Abridged Kirby: Episode 9
by JadeDragonKnight
Summary: Lololo and Lalala question their origins.  Dedede orders another demon for the dumbest reason.  Guys get turned into girls!  How could you not read this addition to this comedy series?  Contains some mild language
1. Part 1

Abridged Kirby: Episode 9

JadeDragonKnight

Part 1

It was another sunny day in Dream Land (man, is it ever _not _sunny?) Today, Lololo and Lalala were found zooming through the castle corridors. Three Waddle Dees were standing guard and saw the two fairy like….things flying towards them.

"Watch out!"

"Move it or lose it!"

They sored past the guards, putting them in a spin that made them pass out. After a bit, they burst through the doors to the throne room and came to a halt in front of King Dedede and Escargon.

"Sorry we're late," Lalala stated.

"What do ya need, boss?" Lololo asked.

"Humph, it's about freaking time you got here," Dedede scoffed, "Go to the fortune teller and get my fortune for today."

"Yeah, we'll get right on that," Lalala replied indifferently.

They turned to leave.

"Hold it!" Escargon ordered, "Lalala is to stay here and massage his majesty's shoulders."

"Say what?" Lololo objected.

"Hell, I ain't massaging no fat shoulders," Lalala asserted with his hands on her hips.

"Excuse me?" Dedede shouted.

"Oh snap," Lololo added.

"You follow my commands!" Dedede yelled.

"We follow the Cabinet Minster's commands," Lalala argued.

"Yeah, we ain't your servants," Lololo added.

"Errr, if you won't follow my orders, then you're fired!" Dedede shouted, swinging his arm and smacking Escargon.

"You can't fire us," Lalala affirmed.

"We quit," Lololo added.

Dedede's face turned red and steam exploded from his ears. He grabbed them and tossed them off the balcony. They couldn't regain balance before they hit the ground right in front of Fumu. The fairies hovered in the air and pointed at the king.

"That's right, go massage your own back," Lalala called.

"You guys really need to get some good social skills," Fumu sighed.

"Oh we got plenty honey," Lalala replied.

"Don't be hatin'," Lololo exclaimed.

* * *

><p>"Oh Bun," Memu sang, "Are you finished studying?"<p>

"Nope, I'm gonna go play with sis," he replied.

"I don't think so mister!" Memu shouted, fire erupting around her.

Bun began to shiver and stuttered, "Dad."

"Now honey, aren't you being a little harsh," Parm said, "He doesn't even go to school."

"You always go easy on him! We're his parents and we have to be firm."

"Speaking of parents," Lololo and Lalala said in unison, "Where's ours?"

Memu and Parm stiffened.

"Uh, a stork dropped you off here," Parm assured.

"Ah come on, that old story's whack," Lololo stated.

"Well, um," Memu added.

"Hey, didn't you and dad take them in when I was young?" Fumu asked.

"Oh of course, we found them in a cabbage patch," Memu replied.

"No it was a blooming flower," Parm added.

"Stop using fairy tales!" Fumu shouted.

"Fairies don't have tails," Bun argued.

The couple pushed everyone out of the room and into the hallway.

"Now you all go play outside. Don't worry about studying," Memu said with a smile.

"But you just said, ow!" Bun said while Lololo elbowed him in the arm.

"Dude, she said no books," Lololo whispered.

"Have fun now," Parm added before slamming the door shut.

After a bit of silence, Lalala flew in front of them and said, "Well why you standing there gawking at the door?"

"She right, let's go," Fumu stated as they went down the hall.

"Humph, parents," Bun snickered.

* * *

><p>Parm's ear was pressed against the door. When he knew they were out of earshot he sighed and went to sit down. Memu followed.<p>

"Kids," Parm sighed.

"They're at that age when they question everything," Memu added.

"Yeah. Where did we get them?"

"You forgot? It was before Bun was born! Ugh, time for a flashback."

The screen faded to a different scene in the past. It was nighttime. Parm and Memu were sitting on the fountain in the courtyard, rocking baby Fumu to sleep. When she closed her eyes Parm went to say something loudly. Memu quickly slapped her hands on his mouth and gestured to be quiet.

He nodded and whispered, "What a relief she's finally asleep."

"AHH!"

Memu slapped him again. This time he fell in the water. She looked up at the real source of the screaming. It was Lololo and Lalala falling from the king's balcony. Memu went to them while Parm trudged out of the fountain. Fumu woke up and started crying. Parm face palmed.

The screen faded back to present time.

"It took forever to get Fumu back to sleep," Parm complained.

"Before she woke up I could swear I heard his majesty say they were originally a demon beast called Lola," Memu added.

"That's where we came up with their names? That's stupid."

"We did that so they wouldn't know they were demon beasts! If they found out they would be shocked. That's why we have to keep it a secret."

"Poyo?"

The couple looked down to find Kirby standing there.

"Lo, la? Lola piyo!" he cheered.

They froze in shock and confusion.


	2. Part 2

Abridged Kirby: Episode 9

JadeDragonKnight

Part 2

A Waddle Dee ran to the throne room and handed Escargon a rolled up piece of paper.

"Finally!" he said as he snatched the letter from the servant, who quickly left.

"That's my fortune? Read it," Dedede said as he began pacing.

"Yes sire," the attendant said as he unrolled the paper and glanced over it. He grew worried and said, "You're not going to get mad are you?"

"Nonsense, why would I be mad at you?"

"I could give you a few examples," he mumbled. "You're sure you won't get mad?"

"Of course not."

"Ok." Escargon read over it again. "Now you're absolutely, positively sure you won't-"

"Just read it already!"

"Alright." Escargon swallowed hard and read aloud, "Misfortune comes to those without restraint."

Suddenly, the snail flew through the air and crashed into the wall, making a crater.

"You said you wouldn't get mad," Escargon struggled to say.

"That is not funny!" Dedede shouted, gripping his mallet angrily, "I'm getting a demon beast!"

"You're not showing restraint," Escargon wheezed as he fell to the floor.

Dedede plopped down in his chair and pressed some buttons. The room got dark and a TV came out from the wall.

"Welcome to the Holy Nightmare Demon Beast Distribution site," Customer Service welcomed. He leaned closer to the screen and whispered, "We have a special discount item for you today."

"Special discount, what is it?" Dedede asked with interest.

"A demon beast that can cut and paste life forms with ease."

"That sounds messy," Escargon stated with his tongue hanging out.

"It comes with an explanation video and a pair of weapons for the demon, all for 39.8."

"39.8?"

"Million."

"Cheap!"

"That's almost 40 million," Escargon muttered, "You really should spend that on a yacht or something."

"Sold!" Dedede exclaimed happily.

"Remember the fortune!" Escargon argued.

Dedede smacked him aside and shouted, "Download!"

The whole downloading process began. A platform came from the floor, yada yada yada, tons of sparks, yada yada yada, demon emerges, we've seen it before.

"Oo, looks useful for the price," Dedede awed.

"Should we watch the video?" Escargon suggested.

"Yeah sure, why not," Dedede replied as he continued to marvel the robot like beast.

Escargon went to put the tape in.

"Wait a sec, instead of a boring video, why not a demonstration?" Dedede sneered.

"Excuse me?" the attendant replied.

"Do your stuff, whatever your name is."

The demon sharpened its moon and sun weapons and glared down at Escargon. The snail stared at it in horror then screamed and ran away. The beast charged after him. The king laughed. Then he grew wide eyed and ran away from the two chasing after him.

"Get him not me!"

"You're cruel!"

They fell over at the door. They got up and whirled around to see the demon's weapon about to come down on them. They closed their eyes. When the attack was over, they peeked out.

"That's it? Nothing happened," Dedede said.

"Looks like we're…"

They looked at each other.

"Ok…"

The king's head was on Escargon's body and the attendant's head was on the Dedede's body. They both screamed in horror. The beast began laughing.

* * *

><p>A collective scream rang through the air. Parm and Memu stopped what they were doing to listen.<p>

"Sounds like the king did something stupid again," Memu sighed.

Kirby stood in front of them with tape all over him. He struggled to break free.

"Let's pretend we didn't hear anything," Parm added.

Kirby cry for their attention as he began to turn blue.

"Ah, honey he can't breathe!" Memu cried.

Parm quickly got some scissors and cut Kirby out of his cocoon. He gasped for air and his face went back to pink.

"Now Kirby, can you forget about Lola?" Parm asked.

"Lola, Lola!" Kirby cheered.

"Ugh, this child is impossible," Memu said.

* * *

><p>"How could you do such a horrible thing to me?" Escargon bellowed.<p>

"You're fixed now so it doesn't matter," the king replied.

"Doesn't matter?"

"Nice work," Dedede said as he turned to the beast, ignoring the angry snail, "I like you what's-your-face."

"Thanks," it replied.

"It can talk?" the attendant asked.

"This just keeps getting better and better! Time to go to the village!"

Moments later, villagers were running and screaming, trying to get away from the demon. It pasted all their heads to sheep bodies. Dedede laughed, his head on the major's body. Escargon looked down at his sheep body in disgust.

"Did you have to mix us again?" the attendant asked.

"Get us back to our bodies you jerk!" the villagers shouted.

"Hey, don't use that tone on me!" Dedede argued.

"Sire, isn't it time we go after Kirby?"

"Oh, ok. Alright I'll put you all back together. Cuty paste guy, make it so."

* * *

><p>Fumu, Bun, Lololo, and Lalala stared at a bird and a hamster whose heads have been switched.<p>

"Tokkori, Rick?" Fumu asked.

Suddenly, Lololo and Lalala burst out laughing.

"Yo, did you check yourselves out yet?" Lololo laughed.

"I can tell somethin' ain't right," Lalala added.

"You guys are cruel," Fumu stated.

"Got it, Dedede did this," Bun said.

"That should be obvious," Tokkori said.

"It was a demon beast," Fumu concluded.

"Hurry and get Kirby to beat it up! We want to go back to normal!" Rick shouted.

Just then Kirby came running out of the castle. The mixed up animals ran to him.

"Ok Kirby, there's a demon beast you gotta kill," Rick explained.

"There he is, the pink ball!" Dedede pointed, surprising the group.

The demon ran past the tank and toward the pink puff. Everyone else got out of the way. Kirby jumped over it. Before he could land, Escargon and Dedede rammed the car into him. The kids gasped as he flew through the air toward the monster. It sliced him with the moon weapon. Kirby fell to the ground and split into two puff balls. One was orange with a pink bow and the other was green.

"So that's what happens when you split someone," Dedede stated.

The king and attendant then imagined what they would look like as females. The images churned their stomachs. They shook it off.

"Chop Kirby into little pieces!" Dedede commanded.

"Oh no you don't!" Lololo and Lalala called as they scooped up the halves and disappeared into the castle.

"After them!" the king ordered.


	3. Part 3

Abridged Kirby: Episode 9

JadeDragonKnight

Part 3

"Where are they?" Escargon asked.

"Stop hiding!" Dedede yelled.

They continued to look around. Lololo peeked over the railing and watched them leave.

"Coast is clear," he said.

The two kirbys were dancing around.

"Now listen to mama and be quiet," Lalala hushed.

"Check it out, they look like us," Lololo informed.

"Well I can see that."

"Chop them up as soon as you find them!" Dedede's voice echoed.

They looked to see the shadow of the monster not too far away.

"Yo, we gotta split," Lololo stated.

"What are you talking about? You're helpless without me."

"If we don't, Kirby's toast."

"Alright, but don't go getting yourself in trouble," she replied as she grabbed the female Kirby.

Lololo carried the other Kirby and they flew opposite directions.

"Hey, there he is!" Dedede called as he spotted Lololo.

"Over there!" Escargon informed, pointing at Lalala.

"Split up," the king said as he and the demon chased Lololo.

They followed him out onto a balcony, but lost sight of him.

"Where'd he go?"

Lololo and boy Kirby were on the roof looking down on them.

"Heh, suckas," he chuckled.

Just then, Kirby began tumbling down the roof. Lololo flew after him and caught him before he landed on Dedede. The king looked around while Lololo stayed behind him. Then, he looked up at the demon that was glaring down on him.

"Oh snap," he said.

It raised its moon weapon and came down on him.

"Got'cha!" Dedede exclaimed.

Lololo dodged the attack and flew off down the hall.

"Don't let them get away!" Dedede yelled.

"After them!" another Dedede ordered.

They paused and looked at each other. They screamed. They saw Lalala zoom past them and chased after her. Meanwhile, Meta Knight walked out from a room and noticed Lalala fly past him with an orange Kirby in her hands. He looked questionably at them and looked to see a green Dedede racing after her.

"Your majesty, what's going on?" he asked.

"Not now Meta Knight!" the king said as he ran past him.

He watched him go then saw an orange Dedede running up to him.

"Your majesty, what's going on?" he asked.

"I'll tell you later!" she replied.

The knight paused then said, "Wait, huh?"

Just then, the demon beast rushed up to him. He stared at it in fear. It snickered and sliced at the knight.

Back in the chase, Escargon found Lololo and tried to catch him. Dedede, now in one piece, ran after Lalala with the demon right behind. The chase went on and on, all over the castle until the two fairies knocked over a statue on Dedede's head. He passed out.

"Found you."

They turned to find Escargon coming towards them. The demon was coming in from the other side.

"You're cornered," the snail informed.

They jumped in front of the two kirbys and said, "You're not getting past us!"

"And what are you shrimps gonna do?" the demon asked.

"What are we gonna do?" Lalala repeated.

"We're going kick your butt, son!" Lololo added.

The beast raised its weapon. They cringed. It stopped for a moment.

"Hey, I remember you now. You guys are Lola."

"Lola?" they asked.

"Lola, Lola!" the kirbys cheered.

"Flashback!" Escargon shouted.

The screen got wavy and revealed a scene a few years ago.

"His majesty wants another demon," Customer Service informed Nightmare.

"Humph, that weakling Lola should do," he replied, "Split him in two and sell them to Dedede."

Later, the cut and paste demon went up to a downloader holding a squirming purple ball.

"Yo, put me down! Don't make open a can of wipe ass on you!" Lola shouted.

Customer Service came on a screen and said, "Other than your ability to fly, you're useless. We'll split you in two and send you off."

"Say what now?"

The demon then cut him in half and sent him through the downloader.

"Eh, what the heck are these things?" Dedede asked in disgust.

"They ripped us off again," Escargon informed.

They threw the two balls off the balcony in front of Parm and Memu. The flashback ended.

"We were one person?" Lololo and Lalala asked.

"Yup, you were split in two by my moon staff," the demon added.

"I can't believe I was stuck to you!" Lalala said.

"You and me both," Lololo replied.

Dedede got the statue off of him and glared at them.

"You want to go back to being Lola?" the beast asked.

"Ah hell no!" they yelled as they dodged the attacks.

"Now!" Dedede cried as he lunged for the kirbys.

They jumped over him and made a run for it.

"I got you now," Escargon said.

Suddenly, Fumu kicked the snail in the gut and grabbed a Kirby while Bun took another.

Dedede ran up to them and shouted, "Hey, opposing me is treason! I'll gonna blah blah blah…"

The kids zoned out as they looked up at the sun staff. The demon slipped on the platform. Lololo and Lalala rammed into it, throwing it off the platform. They snagged the sun staff and zoomed off. The demon landed on top of Dedede, letting the kids escape.


	4. Part 4

Abridged Kirby: Episode 9

JadeDragonKnight

Part 4

They continued to run up the stairwell.

"It worked," Fumu said, "We have to get you guys back to normal."

"Didn't you hear us?" Lalala replied.

"I rather be a dude," Lololo added.

"Ok, but we have to get Kirby back to normal," Bun stated.

They reached the top of the castle. The kids set the kirbys down in front of the flying puffs. They nodded to each other and smacked them in the head with the staff. The kirbys morphed together into one Kirby. Just then, the demon caught up to them and charged.

"Kirby, inhale it!" Fumu said as they took cover.

Kirby ran up and began to suck in a bunch of air. The demon tripped and dropped the moon staff. Kirby inhaled it and became Cutter Kirby.

"Yeah he did it!" Bun cheered.

Fumu paused and looked around.

"What?" Lololo asked.

"Isn't this the part Meta Knight pops up and tells us a bunch of stuff?" she asked.

"Who cares," Lalala stated.

Kirby began throwing the blade on his head around. It sliced through the demon with ease. Kirby caught it and sliced through the middle. The demon froze and split in two.

"That was a quick battle," Bun stated.

Tokkori and Rick showed up.

"Hey use that cutter to put us back to normal," Tokkori said.

"That doesn't sound healthy," Rick added.

Kirby cut them apart and Fumu put them together with the staff. They were happy they were back to normal and left. Kirby then transformed back to his normal self.

"Hey!"

The group turned to the voice then grew wide eyed. Two Meta Knights were walking up to them, one green and one pink.

"I don't know what the heck's going on here, but you better fix this!" the green Meta Knight ordered.

"Sir Meta Knight?" Bun questioned.

"You sound more, firm," Fumu added.

"You sound surprised, darling," the pink Meta Knight replied, crossing her arms.

"Of course I'm more firm! I'm not letting _this_ happen," the green half said, pointing to pink. "A feminist Meta Knight running around is not good for ratings!"

"I think it's hilarious," Lalala stated.

"No it's not!"

"Humph, I see how it is," Pink said with her hands on her hips, "I know when I'm not wanted."

She then turned and left. Green face palmed.

"Look, see what you did," he said as he went after her.

"We should put them back together before one gets a restraining order," Bun said.

"It's ok," Green said to Pink, "I know you're sorry."

Pink slapped him across the face.

Lololo whistled and said, "That chick puts the male in female."

"Ok that's enough," Fumu said as she went over to them and smacked them in the head with the staff.

They morphed into one Meta Knight.

"Whoa, what just happened?" the knight said.

"Let's just say you got more in touch with your feminine self," Fumu informed.

"Look, the demon is doing something!" Bun shouted.

It got brighter then exploded. When it ended they saw the staff was broken.

"Well, everything's back to normal now," Fumu informed as she tossed the stick aside.

"Great, now back to bed," Meta Knight stated as he turned to leave. "Oh by the way, that was Cutter Kirby in the fight."

"How would you know that if you weren't there?" Fumu asked.

Meanwhile Dedede and Escargon stood in the stairwell.

"That's it. There's nothing left," Dedede muttered.

"That's what you get for not restraining yourself like the fortune said," the attendant replied.

Dedede burst into tears, grabbed him and cried, "That hurts!"

Back at the group, Kirby was stomping on the staff ashes.

"Just remember Kirby," Lalala said.

"We saved your sorry butt," Lololo added.

"I don't think he understands," Fumu said.

Kirby ran up and held them up in both hands. Everyone smiled as a star closed on them into black.

THE END


End file.
